Moderate

Seorang sahabat pernah ingatkan aku.... “nak tak nak hang kena la praktis pakai rate 5 atau 6 (moderate). Jangan memanjang nak pakai rate 10 atau 0 terus..............”

Hihihi.. mungkin tu kelemahan aku.. takleh nak start rapat dgn org.. kalu aku rasa ‘raksi’ (serasi) skit.. mulerlah aku meroyan sorang2.. nak over2 tingat, sayang, nak together-gather.. (tapi aku takder sampai meroyan kat laki org, hak org atau yang sama waktu dengannya yg buleh menggegarkan ‘arasy’ Allah.. yang tu aku tak gamak.. tak sanggup dan TAKKAN BUAT.. sebab aku sendiri berstatus ANAK, ISTERI dan IBU… aku tahu perasaan sedih, kecewa dan sakit peritnya kalau HAK YANG SATU itu diganggu-gugat.. tolonglah cari kebahagiaan masing2 tanpa menghancur-leburkan kebahagian org lain…)

Eh… eh.. dah dah.. lain plak aku bercerita.. kang masuk habis plak kes Abby-NH-Memey plak.. kompem berkajang berjela kalu aku dh start bab mende tu sumer.. hihihi… bak kata abang kat aku : Kalau ada Kementerian Wanita, Isteri, Ibu dan Sahabat.. abang calonkan Leen jadik KSU nyer.. (ssb KSU yang prepare text..) kahkahkahkah…

Betullah.. mungkin aku kena start praktis rate 4-5.. moderate.. tapi ada ker UKURAN BAGI PERASAAN?.. susahnya nak jawab… buleh ke kita benci org yang kita sayang sgt selama ni?.. semudah matikan enjin kete? (rasanya enjin kereta pun amik masa utk sejuk.. dia tak terus sejuk lepas kita “OFF”.. iyer tak?..)

Tapi menurut kata mak : Hang tu jgn kawan dgn org.. baik kawan dgn buku.. (mujur mak sebut buku.. kalau mak sebut BERUK?.. PADAN MUKA AKU…)..

Aku penah ungkapkan ini ketika mengadap Orang Hebat1 juga pada seseorang1 suatu ketika DULUUU ketika berlaku ‘sesuatu’ dulu…

Aku : I don’t mind if people hates me, talk behind my back. I don’t care. And I also don’t mind if they come to tell me where have I done wrong.. but why can’t they?.. why they did this to me? Up to this stage.. I really don’t understand.

Orang Hebat1 : I've been through all this.. A LOT!!.. xxxxx xxxxxx... you can't run away from it... You know what you are doing. In fact, you shouldn’t feel this way. But I think it is all about your pride, that’s why you come and telling me all this.

Aku : Yes, agreed. Coz I’ve nothing else TO ME MYSELF to care of except my PRIDE and MY EDUCATION..
Even how much I love my parents, they will die (either or).
Even how much I loyal to my husband, the ‘power’ to let me ‘go’ is in his ‘jurisdiction’.
Even How much I do concern bout my children, when they grow up, they will find their own way.
Even how much I close to my sibling, they will go to their ‘new’ family.
And even how much I’m devoted to my friends, they are come and go..

Aku lagi : So, what else that I can keep to myself?.. who else can protect these two things from me if not myself. If you enroll any program and get whatever qualification, even I’m the one who did all your assignment, but the final result – in the certificate, will be your name, not mine.

If people say that you are a ‘womanizer’ and because of that statement from ‘those group of people’, your marriage be ‘like hell’, can you just keep quite and BERSABAR?.. I don’t have that kind of SABAR..

UNTUK BERBAIK SANGKA DENGAN ORANG YANG CUBA TABUR PASIR KE ATAS PERIUK NASI KITA?.. Will you give a chance to these people? the person that you really LOVE BEFORE.. yang you anggap FRIEND.. CLOSE FRIEND.. or even BEST FRIEND?..

I would rather “SLAUGHTER” the RELATIONSHIP and SNUB that kind of friend.. rather than LOVE AND CARE to those who abhor me and trying to TIKAM BELAKANG like ****.

Agreed with me?.. Tak setuju dengan statement aku ni pon tak pa....

Tapi apa perlunya aku fikir “EVEN..... IF….”… baik aku fikir NOW.. CURRENTLY..

(alah... bukan aku sorang jer yang kena camni semua.. ramai lagik.. dan tak mustahil org tu pun esok esok kena gak.. hidup kita kan putaran roda.. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.. kankankan... hari ni hari aku.. esok lusa sapa tahu.. sekurang2nya aku dh dapat 'kebahagiaan' daripada 'kesakitan' itu..)

Namun, apabila perasaan “SAKIT HATI” itu tetiba muncul... argghhh...

Segera aku pegang kata-kata sahabat yang jauh.. ‘jaga titis minyak di sudu itu agar tidak tumpah, sambil tidak mengabaikan apa yang ada di sekeliling, nikmati keindahan ciptaan Illahi ini..’ – apabila aku sedar reality ini, aku BAHAGIA dan terus tersenyum.. (pasti kau juga masih senyum wahai sahabat – walaupun tgh menggigil sejuk salji di glasgow sana.. hehehhee…).